Mens 2nds 2 - 0 Sikh Union (Cov)

Scorer: Raj Mawee, Chris Currie
Player of the Match Negus Senior. I know you know I don’t like to over praise myself but there is no getting away from it, I was awesome. Nothing got past me or my fellow defenders of the WALL.
Donkey of the Day: Rory Kobrin for getting tackled by Mick Thomas, the umpire. Couldn’t spin out of that one.

Just as the whole Brexit and electoral process was delayed, so was this game. It was originally meant to have been played on the 30th November but all manner of politicians had to stick their oar in to delay things. Throw in global climate change as well and the pitch was frozen on the day and so the key decision day had to be delayed. On the 12th December the country went to the polls and the mighty Northern Labour Red Wall crumbled catastrophically to let the Tories storm to glory. The Adders 2nds have a Red WALL too but ours never, ever crumbles. That’s because we fashion it from heroes – Jack Negus, Ranj Mawee, Grant Kobrin, Cieran Awesomemore, Luke Jones, Jacob Saunders and the Hockey God himself, Negus Senior. We were totally impenetrable. Negus Senior in particular was like a Cherry Farmer having his best harvest ever – he was picking them out of all sorts of Sikh Union crevices.

It was a very close game and Sikh Union were excellent but they just couldn’t climb over the Red WALL. And even when they were half way up the WALL our amazing midfielders came back and clubbed them off. Rob Currie was vicious, he surgically removed the souls of at least four Sikh Union players. Graeme Willmott was everywhere, even screaming at himself because he was so fired up. Christian Moloney tried to claim everything but we know the truth. Will Currie was Zorro, there will be half a dozen Sikh Union players having to go home to explain the huge “Z’s” carved into their foreheads. Raj Mawee was in perfect form, getting back to defend and then being the puppet master in the middle. The first half was played mainly in the Sikh Union half and our midfield and forwards were excellent but despite this dominance no goals were forthcoming. It was nil nil. In the second half though we started to slowly control the play as the Red WALL kept bouncing the balls back to our attack. Jacob Saunders, in particular, did an excellent job of standing in front of the defence and intercepting dozens of Sikh Union passes. Blanket Bomber Peter Lancaster and the Whirling Dervish (google it) of Rory Kobrin were involved in everything. However it was the selfish Chris Currie and magical Raj Mawee who showed how you take advantage of the First past the Post electoral system. Chris didn’t want anyone else to score and came close to stealing two potential team mates goals. In the end it was Raj Mawee who broke the deadlock. Christian Moloney claims he made a clinical pass to Raj, who finished it off beautifully. However a high level WALL committee meeting concluded that Christian fluffed his shot again. Jack and Ranj were very verbal in their disgust at Christian, maybe a bit less swearing next time chaps, it was a formal committee meeting after all! Then with 10 minutes to go Sergeant Selfish himself finally got frustrated by team mates of a much lower quality level than himself and in a bit of a goal mouth scuffle he waded in and did what all game changers do, he creamed it. No fanciness, nothing clever. Just beast it in with a bucket full of venom. Beautiful.
It was a great performance guys, in a game played in a very friendly manner by both sides. We just outplayed them with that little bit of extra determination to get to the ball. That’s how you use your Red WALL to get a massive Parliamentary majority. Thank you to Jaz “Peter Snow” Randhawa too for using his Swingometer excellently to control the substitutes from the side lines. Chess Grand Master.